It is hard to imagine sometimes why each day can seem so mundane. The world has come to be a bleached soulless place with nothing being the call word and nothing being the signal and nothing doing. God has allowed glimpses of what beauty we've forgotten to catch us off guard occasionally and we think "oh, there was life there must be life and I must find it!" But the mediocrity of life quickly seeps back in like muddy water into a footprint in bog. The truth is what it has always been and why does it seem to get so hard to cognitively bring it to mind. There are dark forces at work and each of them work together to destroy any feelings of joy, any that there may be of peace, any of satisfaction, any of charity, or love. We distract ourselves with anything the dissatisfying programs on television, the movies that continue to amaze us with how unoriginal they are, the books that have reached beyond what made classic literature what it is to find more mediocrity, and the music that has reduced itself to basal urges accompanied by beats that a toddler could outdo on a nice cooking pan with a spoon. So what can we do to rectify this terrible state that we have fallen to? Only one thing comes to mind. If we do not succumb to the primal urges that draw us to waste countless hours online and waste countless hours doing nothing running errands for things we don’t need; we can turn into vegetables that have no purpose and could not recognize one if one were to bite us in the face. Pray people God still hears us God still answers us and prayer is the one weapon we have to keep us from composting in this heap of human waste we find ourselves in.

There are times when everyday feels like a dream when the tiresome ploughing and trudging through each day is so much like not being awake that sleep has no appeal.
The sundown is a terrible fierce foe that stalks me and pokes and jabs me in my kidneys as the darkness creeps in around me and takes away any hope that I may have had to overcome the idleness of the day and actually do something anything that will accomplish a task. Even a menial task would make it appear to be somewhat worthwhile. The sundown has always been my enemy and will rarely let me have peace. There are some exceptions, perhaps on an unusual day the peace of an isolated circumstance will settle like the arms of God wrapping around my shoulders and offering an assuring embrace and the descent of night becomes a wholly welcome time on these unusual days. Surely as the stars begin represent nights gone past and volumes of unspoken dreams twinkling in the dusky air, I look up and thank God for giving me this gift a token of solace in an unsettled disturbing world that chases me always and on this night was unable to find me...

Pondering why sometimes I have dreams that focus on jobs that I have had in the past. I guess that I am one of those people who never breaks off clean from a job. There is always some weird unspoken or sometimes unfortunately spoken conflict. Last night I dreamed of two previous jobs and there is always some animosity between me and my superiors that gets shoveled out on me in the dream. I wonder why I don't just take control of it, I do on occasion take control of a dream and hand out a slumbering judgment that is never fair or equitable. But, isn't that my right? It is my dream it is my life. I choose who I work for and when, why is it that I always get tangled up with some business that thinks that I am some type of indentured servant. I am in the dream and I come to terms with unresolved conflict. I don't know why certain people decide that there is a hierarchy that you mustn't alter in any way. Screw that. I won't bow down I will take in this life what ever knowledge I can glean and I will not be servant to anyone. So having said that, I will also say that I have fulfilled my obligations to those in my past, especially past employers and that is the bible truth!
Next time I dream I take this with me, solace in justification. I validate my own sentiments and my own obligatory terms.

The Texas Eagle drove us. The train tracks stretched for days in either direction with scarcly a town between. The sky in the lone star state was still hanging clear but just with a taste of winter haziness about the edges. Well everyone had pretty much fallen asleep except a couple of folks here and there, an old black lady with a kerchief tied up like aunt Jemima was just about as sweet as that apple pie she was eating she smiled lovingly at me each time I walked by and she commented on my baby girl about how precious and beautiful she was. I didn't argue with her, I thanked her though and now the baby was asleep too. I stepped out to the platform to have a look at San Antonio skies. An old boy Kenneth was down rocking on his heels on his way to the Big "D" to have Christmas with his momma. Another younger man less assured was on his way to Blooomington to accompany his wife to a physical screening for deployment;his name was Daniel and he was ashamed to tell us that he worked in a hotel as a housekeeper. Kenneth defended him and told him various ways he could work up the chain of command and consequently make slightly more than the six bucks an hour he was getting presently. There was also the younger man who had the Cali gangster Dickie's and giant t-shirt thing going on he came down from the bay area headed also to Dallas to spend Christmas with his mother, he actually lectured me for a while about how you only get one momma-turns out I was going to Chicago to do the same thing and I concurred with his heartfelt sentiments. He was actually a sweet kid and offered me his chronic snoop dog style I had to politely turn it down, but the thought was there for sure. I don't remember his name for some reason but there was this love that developed on the train, we all had some similar purpose some sort of bond. I bet you don't get that in first class flights. Later I found myself rocked right to sleep in that car, the train puts a strong drowsy of its own right down on you like a quilt of nights woven with threads of stardust and dreams. I lost my hostility and my sick anticipation for things of life that were outside of my control anyways. I will remember this journey that united me with others who journeyed to different destinations that all pass through the same point on the Texas Eagle.

I thought I could outsmart myself again, and dodge fate. That just is not possible to do. The stars have decided and now I live out the epithet of my days. I had a dream last night that I somehow ended up in the psycho ward in a hospital of some kind it was for some unknown reason that I went to this place firstly, but by no fault of my own I was admitted and found myself in a drugged incapacitated state. I lethargically argued to no avail that I was obviously mistaken for someone else and that I needed to be released without delay. I was ignored and lay in a bed made for a crazy man and slipped in and out of consciousness due to the administration of various drugs. Finally I slept out of the drug stupor and was able to convince a female nurse that there had been a mistake. I simply told her that I was married and had four kids and that my wife and I attended University. She answered in disbelief that she would arrange for my release, and that what I told her was enough to make anyone crazy…